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i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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