I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
