I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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