omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
