On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
