He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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