Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
