Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
