Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
