Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
