I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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