Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
