My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
