I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
