We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
