I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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