return my video game
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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