Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
