tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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