Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Couch. On fire.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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