ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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