I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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