Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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