My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
