I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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