Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
