She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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