I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
