I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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