I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
