The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
