And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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