I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
