Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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