I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The adults are the big ones right?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
