you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
