I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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