you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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