At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
