Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
