Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
