Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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