I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
