She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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