My cat gives me a boner
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
