Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
