for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
