I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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