ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
