I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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