You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
