Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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