Your tits are I can't wait for
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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