Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
