in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
