U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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