A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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