girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
