i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove