Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64825) Bad night (2519)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

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  (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. http://tfl.nu/rnd5
  Replies (37) Good night (7543) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

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  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5379) Bad night (941)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask

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  (732): I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask http://tfl.nu/8bk4
  Replies (11) Good night (4503) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.

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  (860): I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die. http://tfl.nu/bqq9
  Replies (9) Good night (982) Bad night (3026) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.

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  (902): I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor. http://tfl.nu/v10d
  Replies (9) Good night (3555) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.

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  (916): It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable. http://tfl.nu/6byi
  Replies (7) Good night (3248) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.

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  (979): Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction. http://tfl.nu/hu5n
  Replies (11) Good night (3947) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.

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  (540): I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge. http://tfl.nu/mw98
  Replies (8) Good night (2499) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?

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  (917): Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night? http://tfl.nu/29mg
  Replies (11) Good night (3642) Bad night (1233) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.

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  (989): Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it. http://tfl.nu/2dh1
  Replies (2) Good night (1766) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game

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  (919): she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game http://tfl.nu/obaf
  Replies (11) Good night (3037) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?

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  (212): Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes? http://tfl.nu/3emh
  Replies (4) Good night (1116) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"

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  (815): Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?" http://tfl.nu/0929
  Replies (3) Good night (1166) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.

  (805): View more from California

  Why do I even exist?

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  (805): I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all. (805): Why do I even exist? http://tfl.nu/rs2d
  Replies (4) Good night (438) Bad night (234)

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