Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
