I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw