we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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