My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.