umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
