We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...