I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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