don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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