Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
