Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
