planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
