i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
