I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
