yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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