Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
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Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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