If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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