just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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