Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
