So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
