I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
