He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
