why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
