I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
