i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
