As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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