she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize