Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You need Xanax blowdarts
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
