I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
